Girl, Yes You Can! was founded in 2007 by a woman who experienced domestic violence for the first time at the age of thirty-nine. She is not the "typical" face of a domestic violence victim by societies standard; she's educated, smart, financially independent and had never witnessed abuse while growing up....and still, she became a victim. She is the woman who said "if a man ever hit me, even once, I'll leave!" She learned that it's easier said than done when she became the victim.
From the very beginning he began to systematically break her down violating her boundaries by reading her diary, bringing his children over when she wasn't ready to meet them, commenting on her clothes, her hair, her vocabulary, the college she attended and talking about members of her family all in preparation for her to accept the idea that being physical abused was actually no big deal - just par for the course.
He would call the police every time he beat her telling them 'she beat me' laying down a plan meant to destroy a life. During the relationship she was so numb and depressed that it never occurred to her to tell anyone, including the police, that she was being choked, thrown to the ground, against walls, isolated from her family and friends and being made to feel unworthy. She never considered herself a victim because she fought back verbally and was still fully functional in the public eye. While under the same roof he plotted and planned to destroy her; meanwhile she continued to sleep with the enemy.
When she finally found the courage to leave after the police were called to her home for the third time she fled with the clothes on her back. She drove around for hours in a daze not fully realizing the magnitude of her circumstances and the emotional toll. She finally showed up on the door step of her best friend and cousin. Broken, bruised and battered she finally revealed her dirty little secret for the first time - her cousin simply listened, consoled and never placed judgment. The next morning she woke bruised from head to toe. For a brief moment she considered taking pictures of her bruises but thought against it because in her mind it was finally over and she was NEVER going back - big mistake!
Later she shared her story with the rest of her family and friends - they were shocked and couldn't understand why she stayed. Many supported her but others questioned and silently judged - even her attorney asked her why she stayed; ask her today and she still doesn't have an answer...what she does know is this 'if it happened to her it can happen to ANY woman'.
Rejoicing in the fact that she was finally free she was served a temporary restraining order at her job thirty-days later by a uniformed police officer from her ex; even though he was e-mailing her daily telling her how much he missed and loved her. At the request of her cousin she turned to a domestic violence Agency to help her fight the false order and get her clothes and property from her house. While waiting to hear from an attorney from the organization she attended a group session with other abused women; she listened to their stories and looked at the faces around her and felt out of place....thinking to herself, 'I don't see anyone who looks like me!' she wasn't inspired to return. Turns out the Agency never called - she later learned that her abuser contacted the Agency first under the guise of being an 'abused' man (he knew how to work the system due to the nature of his job). Ultimately the organization helped him get a restraining order against HER with the police reports filed every time he called the police on her! She learned firsthand of the power the Agency had in the Family Court system and that the Agency had a "first come first serve policy" forcing them to serve him even though she had medical documentation of her abuse.
With no other Agency to turn to her abuser grew more fixated and increasingly unstable. She feared for her life and the safety of her family. Although she had left the relationship and ceased all contact he continued to go after her sending a copy of the restraining order to her employer. And later, when he realized she wasn't coming back he sent a seven page letter to her employer conveniently sending her a copy. In the rambling psychotic letter he accused her of making terrorist threats, accessing client files to pursue the women he was dating, paying for him and his friends to stay in hotels on the company and abusing her company expense account - none of which were true; but he forced the company's hand by sending copies to the Attorney General's Office, Board of Directors and District Attorney's Office - she eventually lost her job, her livelihood and pension; meanwhile he continued to maintain he loved her to the world.
Physically tired, emotionally exhausted and malnourished from losing 20 pounds (from an already small frame) and too weak to fight (it was easier just to give up) she was inspired by her best friend to stand up and fight "don't let him win" she begged. With a firm but gentle hand she nurtured her spirit and helped her heal her soul - more importantly, she listened and never judged.
For a moment in time he won. He literally brought her to her knees, almost broke her spirit and tested her faith....but in the end she prevailed. Her revenge was moving on and NEVER looking back....helping other women be better, know better and live a life worth living.
And so her fight began....to NEVER allow the system or a man to affect the life of another woman be it emotionally and/or physically and this is how Girl, Yes You Can! came to life.
Girl, Yes You Can! is a non-profit 501(c)3 where women can go and find peace in a world full of judgment. A place where women can openly grieve, heal their soul and let their guard down dispelling the image "I must appear strong at all cost; even though I'm dying inside and my spirit is broken." A place where women can succeed against all odds even when they are stacked against her!
Many women struggle with the battle between working things out with their partner to save their family, fear of failure, fear of being alone, not having a place to go or staying to maintain a way of life for their children - but you run the risk of losing the most important thing of all: YOURSELF!
If there is no "YOU" who is left to nurture and raise emotionally healthy children? How do you continue to make a living? How do you live out your dreams? Something has got to give! It's time to take a stand and join together to make a change!
The moral of this story ladies....TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS and ACT!!!